El jardin de la luz

I’m sorry if it’s written in english, it’s not because I can, but because it’s easier, and I don’t mean to leave people appart from this, I don’t even think someone will take the time and read this, it’s because I need to do it and it’s my therapy and it’s necessary to go through this when I end a cycle and I’m about to begin a new chapter in my life.

So much is changing, so fast and so sudden, in a blink of my eyes everything flipped, my world just gave a 360° turn and I’m back at the beginning.
At this point I used to start complaining or ranting at how pitiful I am and how sorry I am and how stupid I am. This time I won’t. And I won’t do it because I don’t feel guilty anymore, because I won’t be the bad guy anymore, even if I am indeed the bad guy, I’ve felt so guilty about almost everything in my entire life, that I’ve grown numb. Things happen because they happen, because they HAD to happen, I know this because when I try to take a picture, for instance, If I go out trying to find the perfect shot, the perfect light, something that catches my eye, I am certainly not going to find it, it just happens, you are there sitting in your bed and you realize your jacket’s zipper looks like a skull and you know you DEFINITELY have to take a picture of that. That’s how it happens, and not the other way around.

You can try and have a wonderful life, marry a wonderful girl, have a wonderful house, full of wonderful kids and a wonderful dog who plays in your wonderful backyard. And you won’t have it, it happens if you’ve followed the steps correctly, if you bump into the person that’s going to be that wonderful husband. Me, I’m not like that, you knew it since you met me, I’m me, you don’t like me for what I am you liked me for what I could be, for what I should be, for what I must be, and for what I was trying to be. That’s not what I am.

So like in the Monopoly, Advance to “Go” Collect $200, back at the beginning, no more airport, no more you, just an open path for me to walk, and I am taking the chance, I am taking the chance of working double time on my projects, on my band, on my art and sharing more time with the people I love and whom I’ve left aside for so long, I’m gonna do a lot more things to fill the void, the need for someone.

We both failed, but it was nice trying. At least for me.

Have a wonderful rest of your life. I will.